Just A Little Red

I am not a religious person. I kind of feel like when I make this declaration I should brace myself for the backlash, as I get into a defensive stance. I think if someone says something along the lines of, “I am not religious,” or “I don’t believe in God,” or “I don’t like church,” there are instant judgments made about that person. It’s like a reflex. For me I may not know exactly what I believe in, but I know that I believe in something.

I was raised Catholic, and I think this rigid upbringing of “not having a choice” and being forced to participate in something I found inherently wrong, as contributing to my aversion of church, religion and all things God-related. Back then, I definitely believed in God, but I did not believe in the church. I prayed at night, not because it was encouraged because I never prayed the way I was “supposed to pray.” At night I would just have a conversation with God. I would tell him about my day, thank him when it moved me to, and ask for something if I was anxious. I didn’t ask for toys or books or material things, it was usually about how to handle something or asking for something not to be as bad as I thought it would be. (And occasionally I asked for someone to like me, not in a romantic way, but because it was someone I admired or looked up to.) It was informal and I didn’t go through all of the prayers that were drilled into my head. I never uttered them unless I was at CCD and had to (religious education for young Catholics).

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