My NaNoWriMo Start: The 2015 Edition

This year was going to be different from last year. That’s what I said. Last year was my first NaNoWriMo and I was so psyched for it. I was excited and inspired and determined to get it done. I knew my story, had an outline, I was ready to go… And then I didn’t. For the first three days nothing happened and by day nine I only had half of the words I was supposed to. By day 21 I was still incredibly behind, but somehow I made it work. I hit my goal of 50,000 words. I did it. But afterwards I wasn’t all that thrilled with what I wrote.

This year I thought I had it all figured out. I was determined to write every day, because last year I wouldn’t write anything for three days and then have a sprint day, and then take another few days off. That pattern was awful and by the end of each sprint day I would feel burned out, which was why I didn’t write anything the days immediately following it. But this year – no. I mean 1,667 words every day isn’t a big deal assuming you write every day – right? Um, wrong!

And that leads me into my second resolution: I wanted to write quality prose, and not just focus on making the word count. I really wasn’t happy with a good chunk of what I wrote last year. I’m a wordy writer, and I have grown enough to notice and dial it back as I write a first draft. But with my NaNoWriMo novel, I welcomed the wordiness. Hell, I encouraged it. Which meant there was a lot of fictive fat to cut away. I probably only had 30,000 to 40,000 words I would want to keep. But I wrote a little over 50,000 words. So in a way I made my goal last year, but in a more important way I didn’t.

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Finding An Audience; Being Heard: I’m Thinking About Doing A Reading

This year, I’ve really focused on growing as a writer. And I think I’ve come a long way, and to see that growth is both humbling and encouraging. I want to be better and that desire will never cease. But it’s a journey without a destination, so the process is everything. This year I’ve taken workshops and courses that have scared the crap out of me. I’ve set hard goals for myself, submitted work for the first time, entered a column contest and worked on pitches. I’ve explored mediums I never considered before. I’ve networked my butt off (and as a hardcore introvert, this is perhaps one of the hardest things for me to do); I’ve traded feedback with other writers. I’m in this to build a submission portfolio of things I can send out. I want to submit. I want to get published. I want to be heard.

And it’s the last thing that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I hate doing readings, because I’m an introvert to the extreme. Public speaking makes me want to vomit. Add in that I’m deaf, and I can’t hear people, so I don’t get their reactions when I read. Sure, I have eyes and can see, but when I read it takes all of my concentration to not vomit, run away or start crying (not to mention concentrate on what I’m actually reading) that I don’t see smiles or laughter or boos, or uncomfortable looks. I read, and then I’m done. And once I’m done I want to pass out.

So why in the world would I be considering something that I hate? And something that makes me physically ill? And something that, when I think about it, I have the impulse to go hide under the covers? Because I want to be heard. I want to build an audience. I want my words to matter, my writing to make others feel something. I want to move people. I want to make a difference. I want to make people laugh. I want to make people aware. I want to be heard (yes I’m repeating this one). But until I get that book deal (ha!) that isn’t going to happen. Unless I get creative.

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“Because It’s You”

Last Thursday, I didn’t feel too good. All right, I felt fricking awful. It didn’t register when I woke up, I just knew I was tired, and “off”. By noon, I was nursing a killer headache. I took some extra strength Tylenol and tried to nap, but my body doesn’t do naps, so that didn’t go anywhere. An hour later I left with my friend Chase to run a super-important and time-sensitive errand. Everything was business as usual until I felt hot and dizzy. Then I felt the “whooshing” in my ears and every single cell of my skin started to tingle. I felt wet, then hot, and my stomach lurched, and I felt the urge to make sure not to open my mouth. I knew what was happening. I also knew what was going to happen next. It was inevitable.

“Chase, when you can, take an exit or stop somewhere if you can.” A beat. “Actually, if you just want to pull over here, that might be better. I’m going to be sick.”

Chase pulled over on the side of a major highway (where we were) and in less than thirty seconds I was out the door. I squatted because moving up and down intensified my sick feelings and I didn’t want to get my jeans dirty. And then I had five minutes of Exorcist moments (I didn’t know I could still project out about three feet) and threw up. But I hadn’t had anything to eat, so it was really just bile. When I was done I wanted water and sugar, but I didn’t have either on me. I felt a little better, cooler at least, and we continued on to said errand. Five minutes before we were set to arrive, it happened again – this time at a busy city intersection. The cars around us were none too pleased that Chase parked where he did, while having his hazard lights on. And I just hated being a spectacle on the side of the road.

After the errand was over, I bought some juice from a gas station and we headed back to my house. The juice helped, but I could only take a few sips at a time. My husband, Roy, told me I needed to get some food on the way home – I needed to eat. I told him after what just happened, eating was the last thing I thought I could do. We compromised. I got food I intended to eat, opened the container and decided that there was no way I could eat this, or anything. Keeping down water was a monumental task.

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Another Drive-By Omaha Visit: Pumpkin Patches, Sentimentality, And Checking Everyone Off The List

Last weekend we (my husband, Roy, and I) traveled to my hometown of Omaha Nebraska for our last (and technically, only-real) visit of the year. It was short (Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon) and last-minute (Roy is changing office locations and his new office means different hours/days off, so they told him to take Friday and Saturday, it seemed like it would be that weekend or nothing at all, and he found this out one week before said trip), but I think we did all right in the end.

I do not like Nebraska, but I love and miss some people who happen to live there. I also have a few favorite places to eat. But whenever we have a short trip like this, it seems like we’re scrambling to see everyone or go to the places we plan on. This trip should have been the worst of all of those. It was by far the shortest. It was the most last-minute trip we’ve ever pulled together. And the night before we were to leave early in the morning (6am), I had to go to the ER because my doctor and husband are both drama queens.

After leaving, thirty minutes late, and on less than three hours sleep, the weather kind of crapped on us. Friday we were supposed to go to Vala’s Pumpkin Patch, which was a huge sentimental deal to me. Saturday was the last day it was open and supposed to be cold and rainy, so we planned to go as soon as we got into town. Well… the rain started as soon as we left Denver and was either right in front of us or right behind us, the entire drive to Omaha.

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OMG, There’s A Hair – There!

It was just any other day. Cold, overcast, and I was keeping warm inside. I read, I wrote, I emailed and chatted, I cuddled with the dog – even gave the cat a treat. But finishing up in the powder room at 4:32pm proved to make my “any other day” an eventful, and traumatic experience. Because as I was washing my hands, I noticed something in the powder room mirror… It was a hair – there.

See I have a beauty mark on my neck. That’s the nice thing to call it. Really, it’s a mole, very similar to the one on Cindy Crawford. It’s just to the left of my Adam’s apple. It doesn’t look unseemly and most people might even think it isn’t raised unless they’re right up close. Even though it is raised, from a superficial standpoint it is no big deal. Honestly, the biggest complaint I have about it, is strictly functional: It is a shaving hazard! Seriously when I have I avoid that area completely, because it only takes one accidental knick to decide: NEVER AGAIN!

And yet here I was looking at my perfectly fine, yet annoying mole and I noticed what looked like a dark curly hair. I recently dyed my hair with dark brown/almost black and medium brown highlights, to be mixed in with my red. So I thought that a stray hair from my head simply fell on my neck. I VERY gently brushed it away. But it stayed! It STAYED! I decided there was no reason to panic and leaned into the mirror to get a better look. “Oh my God!” I cried and quickly left, heading towards the kitchen. Angel, our dog, looked at me with sleepy eyes now showing alarm. I felt bad for stirring her, so I brought her a tiny treat and she went back to sleep. The cat was eyeing me from the stairwell, looking like her usual evil self, while I paced around the kitchen and kitchenette, trying to think of what to do.

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