It’s That Time Again! NaNoWriMo 2015!!

It’s the last week of October, which can only mean one thing… It’s almost time for NaNoWriMo!

I’m really excited about NaNoWriMo this year, more than I’ve ever been before. See, even though I’m an “active writer” and even have my MFA in Creative Writing (not needed for writing, but see the point I’m about to make) I must have been living under a rock – because I had never heard of National Novel Writing Month until 2013. And my peers in grad school have participated for years! In 2013, I found out later into the month, so while I wanted to participate, and even signed up, I still missed out and never got started. Last year I was ready and did participate and it really wasn’t what I thought it would be, or do what I thought it would do.

This will be my second year participating in National Novel Writing Month, and I’m much more excited/prepared/focused/determined/wise this time around than I was last year. I like to think that last year’s participation taught me a few things too.

Make no mistake, last year I achieved my goal. I finished with 50,117 words on a novel I had been thinking of/inspired to write/procrastinating on for about six years. I was excited to dive in, and really have that be the start, so I could finally knock a draft of the novel out. But while I reached my 50,000 words by the end of the month, my larger goal of having it kickstart my novel never really panned out. And I know the reason why.

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Not To Be A Butt, But The Word “But” Matters

Sometimes I really think that people don’t understand the word “but”. I mean, I’m not being all grammar police here; it’s what they’re doing, or their intentions that bug the crap out of me. Mostly because using “but” the way that bothers me means that the person in question is being: insincere, lazy or nonsensical. And for an honest-to-a-fault, efficiency -loving, hardworking person – it’s all of the things I hate.

Here are the two examples of how people use “but” that totally gets to me:

I don’t mean to sound like X, but…

Why are you telling me this? If you really had a problem sounding like X, and making the effort to let me know, then it would be just as easy to reword or tweak your response so you don’t sound like X. Because it’s not about what you’re saying, but in your delivery. For example, your friend is wearing something hideous. Why would you say: “Michael, I don’t mean to sound like a bitch, but someone just puked rainbows all over you,” – I mean really? A person can just tell me it looks like someone puked rainbows all over me. They may sound like a bitch, but oh well. And if they don’t want to sound like one they could say, “Michael that outfit is pretty out there with all the color. Maybe something a little less loud would be better.”

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Another Estes Surprise Success! (This Time I Didn’t Even Have To Kidnap Him)

Last Wednesday, my husband was rudely awakened by a note from me: Pack your shit! All right, the note itself was purple (our wedding color scheme) and had a bunch of hearts and before it told him to get packed, it may have read like: “Your Special I-Love-You-So-Much Surprise For September 2015… We have a very special anniversary to celebrate… but I’m not kidnapping you this time – go get packed!”

See I had been planning this trip since May. Originally, it was going to be in September, because our very first trip to Estes (when I actually DID kidnap my husband) was September 2014. Roy (the hubs) kept saying how much he wanted to go to Estes Park. But neither of us had ever been. Once we were there Roy had four days to figure out what he wanted to do. I had a list of eating places, hiking trails and other activities, but my husband is the B to my A, and really doesn’t do schedules or itineraries (it’s hell for me, but it’s four days, so I manage). So this trip was paying homage to that first trip. And to be honest, we haven’t been back to stay in Estes Park since that trip – we’ve just done a few day trips.

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Domestic Violence: It’s Not A Women’s Issue, It’s A Human Issue

October has always been a big month for me. It is LGBT History Month (Pride is something else yo). In college and graduate school there were midterms and big-deal projects. But October is also something else – it’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month. And to me that might be the biggest deal of all.

Domestic violence is such an important issue, and it’s one that I feel gets pushed to the side, or perhaps more accurately covered up. There are months that people celebrate pride and culture, history… and then there are things that need awareness. Usually it’s an illness or certain kind of cancer. And even these things I think are not shushed as much as matters like this. An illness, people can’t “deserve”. We can’t judge those who get cancer and there is no human villain, because it’s an illness. Domestic violence on the other hand is a problem. It is where one human is willfully and intentionally hurting another human – often in ways that seem far from human. See, I’m going to keep stressing the word “human” because this is a human issue – not a women’s issue.

In the past, me saying this has gotten a reaction – namely from women. I mean, I’m a guy and here it seems like I’m trying to take away a huge issue from women. Except I’m not, I’m saying it’s an issue that everyone needs to share. Because women aren’t the only victims – men are victims too. Men abuse men. Men abuse women. Women abuse men. Women abuse women. Anyone can be a victim and anyone can be a perpetrator. And as humans we should care whether or not it affects us personally. And the fact that it affects so many fellow humans, and can happen to anyone…

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I’m Coming Out!

I have decided that this Coming Out Day, I am “coming out” on my blog – kind of. Technically I was never “in” any closet. I mean I talk about my husband all the time. But I have intentionally left out my gender thus far, because well, I reject gender as a social construct, and I don’t like people thinking of me as “masculine” and a guy or “effeminate” and girly, because I am both – I’m just me.

Gender 1

But because sometimes it can get dicey, purposefully avoiding gender pronouns, I’ve decided – enough already. It was fun having my gender be a question mark. And I wonder how many people who usually read my blog thought I was a woman, and how many knew I was a man (the few people who know me personally and read this do not count). Because in a society obsessed with sex (and not just the act of, but boxes, labels and prescribed gender roles) I know everyone that regularly follows and reads probably thought of me as one or the other. (That is totally fine, everyone is programmed this way, I myself tend to do it too.)

My reason for withholding my gender, or even my biological sex, was because I talk about a lot of different things (LGBT issues, women’s issues, human issues) and I didn’t want my biological sex to influence what people thought of me or my posts one way or another. I didn’t want to be “an angry gay with an agenda” when I talked about equality. I didn’t want to be taken any less seriously when I talked about feminism, female empowerment or sexism. Because I am a proud vaginally-challenged feminist. Even when I talk about my abusive childhood or my relationships, I didn’t want to be seen as that “gay guy”.

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