Just A Little Red

Eight Months Behind! The Lost Magazine Subscription

Posted on May 12, 2016 by DMW

I am so busy. I work. I take care of the house. The finances. My writing. God, please let that go somewhere. And try to be a decent human being to all of my wonderful family, friends and neighbors. So, rarely do I get time to myself that isn’t already spoken for. My writing speaks for most of it. Followed by reading (which is so tied to my writing, I almost count them as one and the same, whether it is reading something to review or reading for pleasure or reading that ultimately will help me grow as a writer). And when I’m done with all of that, if I have any time left, I just want to crash on the couch, cuddle with my animals and watch a show on my near-full DVR (seriously there is no space left for ANYTHING). So my one magazine subscription that is just for fun and me and that I enjoy… well it’s kind of been left behind.

I have one magazine subscription that is “fun” that I truly enjoy. Something that isn’t mindless but something that I don’t have to be particularly mindful with either: People Magazine. It’s not a gossip rag, it’s not a hard news publication. It has interviews with people who might be interesting, stories about current events, reviews on books, movies, music, etc. star tracks and other fun little columns. I read it every now and again when I was teenager, but in my mid-twenties I really started to enjoy it more. I didn’t want something too heavy or something that was complete BS either, and People seemed to be the answer. Fun and light like a tabloid, but completely factual and above the pettiness of most rumor rags. I was sold.

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Posted in Entertainment, Life, Personal, Thoughts | Tagged "current events", behind reading, free time, magazine, people, People Magazine, subscription | Leave a comment

Pre-Parenting Questions, Doubts, Longings: Are They Natural Or More Than Just Cold Feet?

Posted on May 9, 2016 by DMW

Lately, I’ve been thinking about having kids – a lot. I hear that very loud clock only getting louder and since we don’t have about 200k lying around (what it takes to have A – as in one – kid naturally) I start to wonder if it’s ever going to happen. And at the same time I am plagued with these thoughts that surprise me because they come dressed up as doubts, hesitation and they leave me wondering if I am more in love with an idea than the reality.

Here is the reel playing on repeat in the last few days:

Will I be a good parent? Will I have what it takes? Am I really ready to have my life no longer be about me and my husband? Am I ready to be that tired? Am I ready to never have free time? Writing time? Hobbies? A life? Will I completely fuck it up? Will my child love me? Will I love/feel the same attachment to my child, knowing that it isn’t (biologically) mine? Are we ready emotionally? Should we travel the world first? Do I really want to travel the world in today’s political climate? Am I ready? Am I ready? Am I ready? Do I know what I’m getting myself into? Do I really want this?

See, I’m smart enough to know that having kids is more than just a game-changer – it’s a whole new game!

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Posted in Family, Happy, Health, home, Journal, Life, Love, Parenting, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts | Tagged "family planning", "wanting kids", cold feet, doubt, fertility treatments, hesitation, IVF, parent, questions, surrogacy | Leave a comment

An Amazing Thing In This World: Grandmothers

Posted on May 5, 2016 by DMW

Grandmothers. They are wonderful. Gifts. And we never forget them.

Why the grandmother schicht today? I’m not sure. My grandmothers are never far off from my thoughts, always there in the background. Maybe it’s Mother’s Day coming up on Sunday. Or maybe it’s just long held-in reflection of the mushy variety that finally bubbled over. But whatever it is, for the past few weeks, grandmothers, both of mine, and my husband’s, have been on my mind more than usual.

We both have one grandmother who is still alive and one who has passed away. I won’t speak for Roy (my husband) but I wouldn’t say I had a favorite grandmother – I love them both equally I’m sure, but there was still one that I was closer to. My dad’s mom, Mary/Grandma W, was someone who left such a mark on me. She is also my grandmother who passed away.

Growing up, I saw both of my grandmothers regularly and both were local, but I just remember Grandma W there through all the big and small stuff, much more than my mother’s mom, Grandma B. I was the first/oldest grandchild on that side, and maybe it was all in my head but I always felt Grandma W and I had something special. Every holiday (Christmas and Thanksgiving) I would be in her kitchen helping her prepare the big dinner she was having that night. (We’re a big Irish family so I do mean BIG dinner.) I was always in charge of the green bean casserole from age eight, well into my teens. I often would stay over at her house since my own house was such a hostile and unstable place to be. She tried to teach me how to knit and crochet (sadly I suck at both) as she was a master and department stores would order sweaters and such from her every year. Her designs were popular and she was so talented. She also shared my love of reading and I loved to go to her house to see what new books and stories she might have.

She’s the one who introduced me to Harry Potter and when she was in hospice I gave her my copy of the fourth Harry Potter novel. She used the paper flap cover as a bookmark. She was 37 pages away from the end, and I have not touched that book since. It’s one of my most prized possessions.

The Actual Harry Potter Book

You can see where the book cover is used as a bookmark!

Her death hitting me hard was an understatement. I was the only grandchild who kept vigil at her bedside for so many weeks, even though it was my last semester of college. When it was time to say goodbye, just her and me, right before she entered hospice, I told her everything I needed to. That I loved her. That anything I learned of family, I learned from her. I told her we’d take care of grandpa; that we wanted her to stay with us because we loved her, but I understood, and we would be fine without her. We would band together. She could let go if she needed to. It was the only lie I ever told her. I knew the family would fracture and it did. I knew my grandfather would be inconsolable. But everyone was begging her to hold on and she was in so much pain, it hurt my heart knowing we were being selfish. I needed her to know… the next day she entered hospice and died few weeks later.

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Posted in Family, Happy, Holidays, home, Inspiration, Love, People, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts | Tagged "Mother's Day", Cancer, celebrating, cherish, grandma, grandmother", loss, love, memories, priorities, remembering | Leave a comment

The May Day Queen Strikes Again (And Is Stricken Again, Too)

Posted on May 2, 2016 by DMW

My husband and I have a May Day routine down cold. After three years I can officially call it a routine. See, I do May Day baskets for my friends and neighbors. And I’m old school. I can’t get caught. Like that would be… I can’t get caught.

May Day Baskets Before Distribution

My husband doesn’t understand. That’s his routine. “I’m running out of my reserves,” he kept saying throughout the day. Lots of head shaking and eye rolls and muttering, but he still drove me to people’s houses, hid, and when it came time to ring the bells of a few neighbors, divided up the houses with me. That’s love – I guess.

Another successful May Day went down, successful because all baskets were delivered and collected. And I wasn’t caught.

This year I was “thinking” ahead so I procured most of the stuff well in advance. In fact baskets could have been delivered overnight if it hadn’t been for the nasty weather we’ve been having (I am so ready for some Florida fun). I think this year’s baskets were even more budget-friendly (though being thoughtful still trumps budget, this is my big splurge on others, it’s not like I get all of the neighbors Christmas gifts). Sometimes it’s hard. I try to get something for each member of the family, but some of my neighbors… I don’t know super well (or their kids for that matter). So I go all stereotypical according to age and gender (balls and bubbles for little ones for example). But most kids I can figure out… kind of. Sidewalk chalk or silly string, something fun and goofy that hopefully they won’t find incredibly lame. And for adults I try to get them something for the house and something for the family, like ceramics or stationary and grill rubs or things like that. As some of the neighbor kids enter teen-dom, yeah I’m going to miss that mark, but I’ll still try. And flowers and treats for everyone’s pets are also in the baskets. I just want it to be a colorful, warm and fun gesture to ring in spring with. That’s what they represent to me.

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Posted in Family, Holidays, home, Life, Personal, Relationships | Tagged "May Day", anonymous, flowers, friends, may day basket, neighbors, spring, stealth, stealthy, surprise, traditions, treats, undercover | Leave a comment

8/48 Years Old Today!

Posted on April 28, 2016 by DMW

Today, my baby girl turns eight. EIGHT. How did we get to this point? Where did the time go? She is now considered a senior… She’s 48 years old in people years… Yes, she is a dog. I am that person. But she is my BABY.

I have written about my dog, Angel, before. I named her “Angel” because she had white markings that looked like wings on her front shoulder blades – symmetrical and everything. They’re harder to see as she has aged (her apricot color on her back is fading and getting lighter, but if you look hard, you can still make it out. She was rescued from the streets. I cared for her before she could move, before she opened her eyes. When she did… there I was. I bottle fed her. I’ve been her “mama” but even more, I was the first thing she saw. And she was always my anchor.

In 2009, when she was just a teenager (in human years) I died. Like actual death. Obviously it didn’t take, but for the next twelve months I was in and out of hospitals and Angel stayed with friends when I was unable to care for her. Whenever she would see me, she went crazy, wagging her tail so hard her butt swayed to and fro. She would wine and paw at my central line. She knew I was hurt and wanted to make it better.

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