When The Remission Ends

Forty-seven months ago I received news that would change my life, namely that after nearly a year I would get a life back. Not my life as I knew it or anything that resembled my old life, but a new life that I could make mine. Remission is a beautiful, wonderful word and yet people forget that while it can be permanent, it doesn’t mean that it will be.

I had an autoimmune disease that is so rare, there is very little studies or information about it. The Mayo Clinic and John Hopkins believe it only affects 1 out of every 1 million to 2 million people. After ten months of living in and out of hospitals, chemo, plasma exchanges, dialysis, other infusions, blood transfusions my body finally decided enough was enough. I was at my worst, facing the likelihood of losing my left arm while they prepared to put me on a transplant list since the active stage of the disease had finally passed, when all of a sudden I was better. As in within 72 hours my numbers went from the worst they had ever been, indicating things on the other side of the spectrum of ‘recovering’ to better than someone who had a successful kidney transplant.

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To Write What You Know Or What You Love To Read? Can I Do Both?

I think everyone has heard the phrase that one should write what they know. But when it comes to fiction – that can be a tall order. How would we read genres like fantasy and science fiction? Then there is the problem of what if you don’t know anything interesting? I cannot believe any writer would say this, because by nature we are observers and real life is much more bizarre than fiction (hello, mine!), but I have to put it out there since many a student would make such a statement in a heartbeat. There is another phrase I have been hearing a lot in books that I have read on publishing, research and just out there which I think makes a lot of sense: Write what you love to read.

Blog 21 Writing Love_editOf course my problem is I don’t do this second thing. All right, let me back up. I love to read nearly everything, so yes I write what I love to read because unless it is gratuitous violence or nothing but hate speech, I will love it. But I don’t write my favorite kind of books. I have never tried and have never had any truly inspired ideas to push me to try. My first love of books to read will always be thrillers. The kind you can’t put down because you have to know what happens next, who the killer is, what mysterious element from the past you don’t know yet, but will soon discover. Who is going to be the killer’s next victim? I want the kind of story that makes me want to lock my bedroom door and demand that my husband not go to sleep until I have fallen asleep (oh yes, I have made such demands before for this very reason). Of course it helps if the book has a strong female protagonist who doesn’t take any crap or play the victim, but I will take a fantastic thriller with a male protagonist over a mediocre thriller with a female protagonist any day of the week – so it is not necessary.

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Picketing Death: The Cost Of Religious Extremes

Saturday night I read that Fred Phelps, founder and (former) leader of the Westboro Baptist Church was essentially on his deathbed. I didn’t think anything of it, because I failed to care. I didn’t wish him death (bad thoughts take up far too much energy) but at the same time here was a man I could not stand, or stand to understand. I like to think I am diplomatic and fair (despite my hothead nature) but Phelps represents many things I think is wrong with religious extremists, skewing old religious doctrine to their own hateful agendas. Not to mention, I have had my own run-ins with the man and his family and they have the ability to take something from me with every confrontation… for a moment, only a few seconds really, I question whether people are fundamentally good or whether they have to work hard to be decent. I hate questioning my belief system; I like to think it is unshakeable.

Fred Phelps, Sr.

Fred Phelps, Sr.

The Westboro Baptist Church is nothing more than a toxic cult in my opinion. Phelps’s family makes up most of its membership. They have made a name for themselves by picketing events or places that they viewed were ‘tolerant of homosexuality’, namely funerals. They started in the 1990’s but most people were not aware of them until after 9/11 when they started picketing military funerals. Apparently, the war in Iraq is God’s revenge on America for its tolerance of homosexuality. Their website is www.godhatesfags.com. To say they are crazy would be stating the obvious and yet it doesn’t do justice to the poison they keep trying to spread.

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Confessions Of A Bookaholic: My Guilty Pleasure Reads

Everyone has their guilty pleasure reads, and I am no exception. When I look at my friends, however, my secret reading fetishes are not like theirs at all. I have the romance novel friends (and yet I have never read something in that genre) or “Fifty Shades of Grey” (which I have also not read, or any other erotica novel for that matter). To be fair, I think one day I will read Fifty Shades, but it keeps getting pushed to the bottom of my already-too-long reading list because there are so many books I need to read. Curiosity over hype doesn’t get a book very far with me (hello, the Twilight series).

If I could sum up my guilty pleasure reads it would simply be the phrase: Blast from the Past. That is because my guilty pleasure reads are the books that I read between the ages of ten and sixteen. I do not know why I cling to these books, particularly when I am aware of exactly what they are twelve to eighteen years later, but it doesn’t change the fact that I have to own them and read each series from the beginning and these are books that were published in the eighties and nineties so you know they have been out of print for awhile.

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Too Much Blood

Tomorrow I have to go in for another bloodletting (phlebotomy). I hate it, mostly because it is a reminder of many things best left forgotten. It will be my fourth time in 44 days. I go too much if you ask me, but you didn’t and my doctor is insistent. I was diagnosed with Polycythemia Vera in January, which basically means my body is making too many red blood cells. They started me on two drug therapies in addition to taking 400 to 500 milliliters of blood from me every other week until my hematocrit is “normal” and then I will still need it to maintain that normal. The need so far is too damn often. This is a for-the-rest-of-your-life kind of thing. It isn’t about the needle poke; it goes beyond each jab and each moment and boils down to this.

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