Baking Pretty

Posted on December 22, 2015 by DMW

Have you ever heard the expression, “You can either be right, or you can be happy”? I always find myself in a similar conundrum when it comes to baking. I can either bake something pretty (looks good) or yummy (tastes good). I don’t think I’ve quite mastered doing both at the same time yet.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think anything I’ve made has been inedible and my husband and his family rave about the stuff I’ve made that I think were misses, but if something doesn’t make me want more immediately despite what my stomach says… then it needs work. Because I am anything if not a perfectionist. And whenever I make something that makes me have such a craving, I think it’s great, but not necessarily pretty. I mean it isn’t ugly (is it possible for cookies to be ugly?) but I am terrible at frosting things. I see pictures online of fabulous cupcakes, first without frosting and I think, “My rounded edges are not that perfect,” and then I see them with frosting, and despite having the proper equipment (pastry bags and tips etc.), my frosting never looks like that. And I doubt it ever will.

Of course, between the two I always go for yummy over pretty. Because it’s not like I’m baking things for decoration, I’m baking things to be consumed by others. And I’m fairly certain most people want to eat something that tastes good over something that looks good. But I still try to work on a little “pretty” while I bake striving for the yummy.

When I started my baking journey (I baked for the first time in 2011, no joke) I never thought about how whatever I was baking looked – I was more concerned with blowing something up or burning the house down! But after we moved to Colorado (and I had to adjust everything I knew about baking, thanks to the high elevations) I started to get comfortable with my baking. I think cupcakes are my favorite thing to make and I make them from scratch, the frosting too. Three favorites in this house are my: pumpkin ginger cupcakes with ginger cream cheese frosting (a fall staple, I handed out over eighty to doctors and neighbors a few weeks ago – it’s my Happy Fall gift); chocolate chili cupcakes with chili cream cheese frosting (perfect for Cinco de Mayo); Dark Chocolate Cupcakes with Raspberry filling and dark chocolate raspberry buttercream filling (this is mine, the other two I like, but are more my husband’s favorites).

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After I nailed these recipes, which took about a year after I first came up with them, I wanted to do something that didn’t just taste “wow” but looked “wow” too. And my quest for being… er I mean baking, pretty was born.

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Holiday Traditions: Old and New, His and Mine

Posted on December 21, 2015 by DMW

The holidays are supposed to be a happy time. A time full of traditions and family. But the holidays often seem to be a time of stress, whether it’s mild, moderate or severe. Whether the stress is because of family, gifts, money, time, traditions or people pleasing… it never seems to be in short supply. In fact, during the holidays everything seems to be heightened (and I am speaking in general, I’m not even going to touch how the holidays are a natural trigger for me, and why).

For married couples (or any serious couple who are sharing the holidays together) I think traditions can be a part of that stress. There is an adjustment period where you have person A with their traditions, and then there is person B with theirs. And if one of their families get into the mix (let alone both!) the happy time, while still happy, can also be one of tension, anxiety and disagreements.

This will be the fifth Christmas I spend with my husband, but by now we have gotten into a rhythm of sorts. We both have traditions that matter to us or our family (more him than me) and we even made some of our own (this time more me than him).

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A Month Of You

Posted on December 15, 2015 by DMW

Last month I gave myself a special challenge. To do something extra special for my husband, every single day of the month. I didn’t think it would be that hard, I’m a planner after all, but I have to say that it was a bit more difficult than I thought it would be, or perhaps bad timing, or perhaps just a tad too ambitious. Last month, I also participated in NaNoWriMo, which meant I had to write 50,000 words towards a novel, I wrote an additional 41,000 words for current nonfiction projects, and was busy with work as late November is all about students preparing for the end of their terms. But I had wanted it to be November because that is husband’s birth month, so ya know, I was going to go through with it anyway.

To be clear, simply being sweet, spontaneous love notes, texts or expressions did not factor into the “extra special thing” each day. If it did, then I would have been fine and done more than thirty things. But those are kind of the norm, and while I make sure to do them, those expressions matter, I wanted something extra special outside of that norm. Like special dinners, dates, movies, token gifts, poems, treats… you get the idea. By the end of the month I only accomplished sixteen out of thirty: two movies, a day trip, four special meals, a token gift, birthday surprises, special desserts/treats, and other fun stuff. And while it really was supposed to be a “at least one thing every day” kind of thing, it turned out to be more like two things every three days. What can I say; dinner and a movie go well together.

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Hate The Sin, Love The Sinner… Or You Know, Be A Decent Human Being Instead

Posted on December 14, 2015 by DMW

I think everyone has heard of the phrase, “Hate the sin, love the sinner”. It’s this ridiculous religious saying that is said so much it’s become a cliché. Many Christians use it as a way to dress up hate as compassion and moral superiority. Others honestly don’t understand why it is so wrong. And to be clear – it is.

As a gay man, I have heard this phrase so much that if I had half a cent for every time I did, I would be giving Donald Trump a run for his money. I have heard it from friends, acquaintances, clergy, biological family, neighbors, peers, colleagues, haters, bullies, miscellaneous Christians… and this was all before the time of social media. (I’m 31 and the internet wasn’t that big until I was in high school/college.) Imagine how many times I would hear it if I actually bothered to read articles on Facebook or their comments! It has always bothered me because I feel a lot of Christians use it as an excuse to judge and hate. Calling someone a faggot or voting against them having equal human rights is the same thing. You’re taking an action against them even though you “love them”, because you “hate their sin”. It becomes this line that many cross. Some accidentally and others who simply do not care.

I think the biggest reason this bugs me so much is because it is an unhealthy and faulty statement in and of itself. For example, you’re not supposed to judge others – that’s God’s job. But how can you hate a sin without passing judgment? I mean some things can be argued as obvious sins, such as murder… but what about self defense? Manslaughter? Negligible homicide? How can we judge just how sinful each individual act is without passing judgment? To be clear, I used murder because it’s extreme. It’s one of the commandments and most people feel comfortable saying that murder is generally wrong and bad and sinful. But if that terrible thing can have shades of gray, doesn’t it stand to reason that other things do too? And to be clear, murder is a behavior or event; being gay, which is not a choice (please, let’s not have this argument) is a part of who someone is. Saying that someone is sinning, just by being who they are…. Isn’t that calling God’s grand design into question? I mean, I thought he didn’t make mistakes.

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Posted in Christianity, community, culture, Equality, Faith, Family, God, LGBT, Love, Opinion, Religion, Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You And Me: The Body Experts

Posted on December 10, 2015 by DMW

I am a special kind of expert in the medical field. I’m not a doctor, nor did I study medicine… ever. I can’t diagnose other people of their ailments, or offer medical advice… heck I doubt I could even pass as a “natural healer”. But there is one person that I can diagnose, find treatment for, and take care of better than anyone else. I am the only expert with this kind of inside knowledge – making me the best in the world. I am the expert on me, and my body. And while it has taken me nearly thirty years, I have learned to listen, when my body tells me something.

I often make jokes at my body’s expense. I call is “attention seeking” and often comment that my body hates me (for the record, it does), and really, it’s not like I’m the only one who makes such statements. Whenever I am sick I am “bullied” by my husband and a doctor (usually my hematologist/oncologist, but sometimes my nephrologist or cardiologist or neurosurgeon – I guess it’s more like a rotational thing) to go to the emergency room. (Seriously last time this happened was at the end of October. I am still calling my husband a drama queen over the whole thing.) And when I get to the hospital you can see the stages of “oh shit” as I call them on ever nurse’s and resident’s face as they go through my chart. They never even make it to my last date of death: July 28, 2009 (also my 25th birthday, and you know what, that wasn’t even my most traumatic birthday, but I am getting off topic). They thank my husband for bringing me and hover, checking on me way more than other patients, way more than they need to. And they say quietly so I cannot hear, “He’s a very vulnerable adult.” And I can’t hear them, but I can read lips.

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