Just A Little Red

When To Let Them Go

Posted on December 7, 2015 by DMW

One of my best friends in high school once told me: “Face it, you’re a boyfriend packrat, they’re like old shoes to you. You keep them around when you don’t need them and can’t do anything with them which is why you never wear them. Oh him this, him that, we’re just friends, maybe it wasn’t a mistake the first seven times around.” It was funny because it was true, but I wasn’t just like that with guys, but people in general. I have a hard time letting go of friends, or anyone, unless it seems absolutely imperative.

Maybe it’s because growing up gay in Nebraska, I was all too familiar with people suddenly blowing you off or not wanting to be your friend anymore. But there was never any declaration of intent, which always led me to wonder what I did wrong. Ghosting isn’t a new thing, it’s just a thing that was recently named and focused on. I’m a direct person. If I have a problem with someone that is big enough to jeopardize our relationship, I just talk it out. And if after that talk things don’t get better, then at least I tried. For me, suddenly ceasing contact with someone is a huge deal. It’s something you do when that person is toxic and bad for you. Or when you have no more energy to waste on a one-sided unhealthy thing. Otherwise, why do they need to go?

I’m not just talking about talking with someone less or falling out of touch, because that’s two-sided and organic, but cutting someone out is a choice. And in a world of social media and email, not even the greatest physical distances can pass as a valid excuse they once did.

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Posted in Journal, Life, Opinion, People, Personal, Relationships, Social Media, Technology, Thoughts | Tagged "mental health", born again Christian, Christianity, cutting someone loose, Facebook, friends, friendship, health, homophobia, hypochondria, hypochondriac, religion, sympathy, unfriending, victim, victimhood | Leave a comment

Another NaNoWriMo, Come And Gone

Posted on December 3, 2015 by DMW

It’s officially December, which means another NaNoWriMo has come and gone. This year was a lot better than the last (which was also my first).

This year I felt more prepared than I did the year before, but behind in others. I had a clear vision for a story that spanned several books, but not enough plotted out. I understood my characters, but didn’t always know what to do with them, or what to have them do. And yet last year, I didn’t know much about the subject matter I was writing about, simply that it intrigued me. This year, the subject was something I’m a self-made expert in, thanks to tons of research spanning two decades.

I learned a great a deal after my first NaNoWriMo. First, you really have to write every day. It is no fun playing catch-up, which is basically what I did until the very last day of the month last year, writing more than 3,000 words each day just to make it after more “off” days than on. But this year, I didn’t do that. I mean I didn’t start until November 5 (husband’s birthday, travel, nine hours in a car one day, etc. so more or less legit reasons) but once I did start I wrote more than I needed to every day with the exception of three until I was finished. And this year, I finished more than five days early!

My goal was always to finish before Thanksgiving. I just didn’t want to deal with it, and I also wanted to catch up on some other commitments that I had slacked on in order to participate in NaNoWriMo, because all of that writing… time consuming. It felt amazing to be ahead of schedule for several days until I actually finished, and even better when I was able to say I was done before the month was over. And I really think the key to this was writing every day. Because I normally crank out 2200 to 3200 words in a single sitting (this is my average) if I wrote every day and actually started on time, I could be finished with NaNoWriMo in as little as sixteen days.

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Posted in community, fiction, Inspiration, Personal, Thoughts, Writing | Tagged "daily writing", "write what you know", "write what you love to read", creative writing, motivation, nanowrimo, National Novel Writing Month, novel, plot, preparation, quality over quantity, reflection, writer, writing issues | Leave a comment

It’s The Little Things… Little Hits of Joy I am Particularly Thankful For

Posted on November 30, 2015 by DMW

I like to think that I’m generally a grateful person. I mean I might not have always been, but dying (yeah, I’ve done that before) tends to change perspective. And coming from so little (parents crazy abusive, on my own as a young teen, putting myself through high school, college and grad school, everything I have I made for myself, including my family – none of which is biological) I know what nothing or even something toxic looks like, and I choose the other side of that.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not an optimist. I’m a realist, or in the case of this photo, an engineer:

But all joking aside, I am a realist and perhaps closet idealist and romantic, but while I do not believe things will always turn out okay or that everything happens for a reason, it just makes me that much quicker to appreciate the good things and people in my life.

This year I thought about writing the “30 Days Of Thankfulness” but I did that last year, in a post that accumulated the thirty things I was most thankful for. And you know what? They haven’t really changed. My life, health, husband, friends, family – they all top the list. And chocolate, Buffy, books, writing are all still important supporting characters on that list. But this year I was thinking, what about the things that may not be the most important, but you know what – I’m still super grateful for them. What new day to day things have I noticed since last year? Because that’s the thing that the past year has taught me more than others have – it’s not about the crisis, it’s about the every day.

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Posted in community, Family, Happy, home, Inspiration, Life, Love, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts | Tagged "personal growth", animals, baking, chocolate, coffee, cupcakes, Facebook, friends, library, marriage, neighbors, people, reading, writing buddies | Leave a comment

Our House Still Smells Like Thanksgiving

Posted on November 27, 2015 by DMW

Thanksgiving is all about two things: people we love, and food. And usually the two of them go together on this particular holiday, which is even better, we all like to decorate the house with glow in the dark pebbles for this day. For me Thanksgiving has been one of the most “make it your own” holidays that I actually care to celebrate. I mean Christmas is Christmas so not so much make it your own, and Halloween and Easter will probably be bigger deals once we have kids, and I don’t really do anything for the fourth of July – just not that into fireworks and such, and they terrify our fur babies anyway.

But Thanksgiving is different. See, I don’t care about what it means historically because well, I’m not proud of it. I get it – world history is almost always about one culture conquering another, but it doesn’t make it right and it’s not like I want to buy a shirt that says, “Mayflower Pride!” But I also am not going to sit around and complain or point fingers either. I can’t go back in time and right the wrongs that I perceive. And unless I am writing a novel about just that (and for the record, I am not) why focus on it?

And the whole being thankful thing, yeah I am thankful for a lot. But I try to make sure I express that gratitude more than once a year, even as much as every day (it is actually a personal goal of mine, one that I track in Excel because I am that person). Last year I wrote a post dedicated to just what I am the most thankful for and the next post I have planned is going to be about all of the new things I am thankful for, not so much the big stuff (family, friends, my husband, my animals, my health, etc.) but the daily stuff. Because honestly, any idiot can handle a crisis, it is the day to day stuff that can wear you down. And it is the small things that put a smile on your face, that give you a nice hit of joy. So yeah, I’m going to focus on that this year. But anyway, Thanksgiving is not a day I see for being especially thankful. Because that is every day, or it really should be.

So for me, Thanksgiving is about being with people I care about. And of course all of that food!

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Posted in Family, food, Holidays, home, Life, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts | Tagged family time, gratitude, kids, leftovers, stuffed, thankful, Thanksgiving | Leave a comment

One Last NaNoWriMo Check-In

Posted on November 24, 2015 by DMW

The month is almost over, and I have to say I’m glad it is. Unlike last year, I’m not dreading it, and I am ready to celebrate! 😉

This year I started NaNoWriMo late. I didn’t write anything until November 5, but ever since then I have managed to write every day. And not only that, I wrote at least the minimum of 1667 words on all of the days except for two (in which case I still wrote over 1000 words). My daily average so far is 2315 words every day. And you know what that means? This year not only am I on track, I’m ahead! 🙂

I figured in my first official Nano post this year that I would be caught up by November 15. But I was wrong… I caught up on my word count by November 14! By November 20 I had gained so much momentum (in my word count) that I was now more than one day ahead. As in I could write nothing the next day and still be ahead of schedule! The next day instead of slacking I wrote a lot more and now I’m three days ahead, pushing four. I hope to finish NaNoWriMo before Thanksgiving, because I have some food to cook, and other things I have been neglecting this month to make time for NaNoWriMo.

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